The funny thing about most of us is that even though love is the one thing we all want more than anything in life, it’s also the one thing that scares us more than anything else. Love scares us to our core because it requires our heart to be open and vulnerable to ourselves, to other people and to the world. We fear this love we desire so strongly because it opens our heart, and when our heart is truly naked we feel ourselves, we feel others, we feel our world, and we feel the love and the pain we’ve held in, closed our eyes to and disconnected from for so long.
Rather than fully feel the intensity of life, we unintentionally close our heart and cut ourselves off from the pulsating truth of what we feel because we’re scared of experiencing uncomfortable emotions like rejection or insecurity that are inherent to human existence. Of course, we’re not aware of this, but in doing so we actually reject our true self, which is the source of love within us. We ourselves deny ourselves access to the one thing we desire most.
We’re interesting creatures, aren’t we?
Fortunately, I’ve found that the love alive within each of us is so powerful that it will eventually transform every internal and external obstacle that stands in its way. How long this process takes depends on when we decide to face our fears and stop fighting our genuine feelings, needs and dreams. When we’re finally true to ourselves each day we both stop hurting ourselves in the present and we heal past wounds, which allows the love within – the love we’re looking for – to expand and fill our being.
At some point, the evolutionary impulse of life, nature and the entire universe will prevail in making sure we find this love that we’re seeking. It is our destiny. But we have to learn how to be ourselves fully, and thus express the love we are through our thoughts, words and actions if we want to experience this as soon as possible. In practising this approach, life immediately improves because we prevent the pain and damage caused when we betray or hide our true self. Most importantly, we come to live each day knowing that, finally, we do not need to be more, do more or have more to be lovable, because we feel, often for the first time in our adult lives, that we are, and always have been, both lovable and abundant in love.
‘Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.’-Matthew 7:7–8
Unfortunately, many of us end up making ourselves sick or depressed because we don’t know how else to get the love, attention, support, rest or space for ourselves that we need. We’re still waiting on others to give us what we didn’t receive as children and never learned to give to ourselves. The truth is you do not need to be ill or unhappy to get love, support or time to care for yourself. You can give it to yourself. But first you have to acknowledge that you never learned how to clearly express what you feel or to ask for what you need. We all learned a very self-destructive way of getting love, attention and support, which not only destroys us if we don’t heal it, but also covers the internal source we’re looking to unlock.
You do not need to break down physically or mentally before it’s okay to talk about your emotions or to take personal time to care for yourself. It’s okay to attend to yourself now, before seeking love, attention or security externally makes you feel worse than you do today. If you don’t give yourself space and permission to understand this truth within you, it makes it hard to find or attract the true love, connection, peace or happiness you’re seeking. There is a path to feeling enough, to feeling lovable, and to reconnecting to the source of love within you. But this path challenges you to accept that it is possible to be loved for who you are, as you are, rather than for what you do for others or for how much you please them.
Click here to read The Search for Love, Part 1
“Excerpt from the international bestseller: You Were Not Born To Suffer, by Blake D. Bauer
About the Author
Blake D. Bauer is the author of the international best-selling book You Were Not Born To Suffer. He is a sought after wisdom teacher with an extensive background in psychology, alternative medicine, nutrition, traditional healing and mindfulness meditation. Based on both his personal experience overcoming deep suffering, addiction and adversity, as well as his professional success with thousands of people worldwide, his pioneering work integrates what he’s found to be the most effective approaches to optimal mental, emotional and physical health.