All posts tagged: communication

Stay In The Canoe And Paddle

Published by dmcblog

by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D The question we are asked most often is: “what do you do if your partner doesn’t…..(do any imaginable thing!) or “what if you are married to someone who is…..(any imaginable bad trait or behavior).” In the past we have responded to these questions with answers addressed to the specifics. As we have listened to my answers, we found that whatever specifics we responded to, the pattern was always the same. The answer was “stay in the process.” So what is the process? It is IMAGO DIALOGUE. There are no enlightened answers to any question or clever solutions to any problem. Questions and problems are all functions of “process breakdown.” Partners stop listening and become defensive. Polarization occurs and the impasse is strengthened. The only way out of this quagmire is the Imago Dialogue process with its three parts: mirroring, validating and empathy. The process of Imago Dialogue is something like a canoe on a lake. Two people are paddling, one in the back and one in the front. …

The Power of Peacemaking: Interrupting Aggression in Challenging Times

Published by dmcblog

By Greg Heffron // Many of us today are paying close attention to the aggression that’s arising in our world. Beyond US politics, we see similar fires breaking out in other nations. Scanning the news sets off alarm bells of anxiety. A return to various forms of fundamentalism and “tribalism” (in the negative sense) are gaining fuel and momentum. The Us vs. Them mentality leads us further into situations where conflict driven by hatred seems inevitable. Once we’ve created our “enemy,” winning by any means necessary is not only tolerable, but promoted. In the Mindful Communication work of Susan Chapman, we call this collapse “The Red Light,” and call a culture which promotes it a “Red Light Culture.” In the midst of such a rise in aggression, we can come to feel demoralized and even depressed. What can a single individual do when faced with global situations that stretch beyond even one’s own nation? The good news within the approach of Mindful Communication is that we are far from helpless. You. Yes you. You, sitting …

Relationships that Work Beautifully

Published by dmcblog

By Paul Shippee Paul Shippee will lead a NVC weekend retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center September 13-15 The main positive effect of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) practice is to increase your chances of getting a compassionate response from others. I have found that NVC has an amazing result of disarming others as well as one’s own deeply embedded defenses that lead to painful conflicts. Usually, somewhere deep in our conditioned brain, we really think that our defenses are the best way to be safe. But, in NVC practice, we invariably discover that real safety comes from being vulnerable. This unearths a contagious authenticity that fosters relationships, both intimate and casual, that work beautifully. Once we can open our heart to ourselves and honestly express what we are actually feeling and needing in the moment, we begin to glimpse new dimensions of life. We take baby steps in trying out vulnerability as a means of trust and smarter safety. This feels uncomfortable as it invites us into a larger world of undefended love and connection to others. …